To New Beginnings

This late night rumination is brought to you by this empty cup waiting to be filled with stories of hope.

I just realized this is the last weekend before school starts again and I haven't done anything productive. Well, what's new? I'm the queen of procrastination.

A classmate in one of my MA class asked me if we were to start with the reports on the first day of class. As usual I was surprised because I could not recall having that assignment. And on top of that, I could not find my notes on that last day of class so I don't know what my report is.

When I was young, I used to join every school organization there is because my parents only allow me to go out if it's a school thing. To me, it was just a way to be with my friends. Looking back, I realized how I always put myself in a position where I have to be responsible. I have never handled a major role in the orgs I take part in but I almost always have three to four of them at the same time. Like while I was part of the school paper, I was also a girl scout plus the real academic stuff. I'm overly spontaneous and I've always liked the idea of juggling roles.

It almost feels like I keep challenging myself but I fail every single time. The problem is, I cannot pinpoint where I belong. I even have different barkadas. Like I'm friends with one group who doesn't seem to like the other. I'm always caught in the middle when I just wanna be friends with everybody.

I don't usually make resolutions but this year I think it's mandatory because I'm already drowning in limbo.

Since I graduated from college I've been in entirely different fields of work. Still, I cannot seem to grasp what to do with my life.

Be it as it may, I am perpetually lucky to have several options and chances to do things right. So, I've listed some things I need to work on this year and hopefully accomplish:

1. Focusing on one task before committing to another one.

2. Reconnect with old cliques

3. To be braver in writing and set aside what other people think

4. Keep a healthy lifestyle like running and biking as regularly as possible.

5. Keep my room clean for the next 300+ days of the year

6. Save money and stop resorting to shopping therapy. Clearly I'm not rich so this is so out of the line.

7. Sticking to a regular routine. Stop procrastinating.

8. Drink more water everyday. Saves a lot of time and money when you get sick less.

9. Read the books piled up on my bedside table. Seriously, they're not for display purposes.

10. Balance time more efficiently. Again, stop procrastining.

11. Complain less and be more understanding. Love begets love.

This serves as my contract. Hopefully, I can update this blog for the progress I'm making. 

2013 In A Nutshell

I couldn't be any more thankful for this year. Sure there were a few bumps here and there but I'm thankful I have wonderful friends to help me out along the way. This year, I was able to cross out a few things on my bucket list. I met a lot of cool people from different cultures. I learned a lot in school and at work. I swam some waters over the summer and trekked a mountain. Rommel never fails to spoil me with love and sweetness. Biking became a part of our lives this year and if ever I included fitness in my last year's resolution, I'm sure it's a double check on that area.

Going home this Christmas, I realized how long I have not seen some of my high school friends. Some of them are still surprised how much weight I lost. I know I used to be really fat but I lost those humps gradually over the years of laziness. I still don't know what to tell them when they ask me how I actually did it. I think the best and honest to goodness answer is probably because my laziness got the better of me. I only go biking on weekends because it's been a ritual for me and Rommel. But during weekdays, when I'm usually just by myself and while I try to balance work and my academics, sometimes I just get lazy to eat and prefer sleeping instead. Also, my two previous jobs involved a lot of talking wherein during those times, a number of doctors told me I could potentially develop nodes on my vocal cords. So, I started making a habit of laughing without a sound (corny right?) and managed to take care of my sweet tooth. I reduced how much I eat chocolates which I've gotten used to eventually because I was trying to avoid having sore throat. Funny how laziness and procrastination may be the reason how I actually lost weight.

Quarter Life Shiznit

It's 2010 all over again. I know what they say about life being round and cyclical but i never imagined I would be going through the same phase this way again. I didn't know how I stopped worrying about it when it first happened. I guess I never really solved it. I knew I was happy and contented but somehow it resurfaced again and I realized I just managed to shove it off to the side and paved way for a little happiness. Happiness which are actually just fleeting and ephemeral.
I know I did a lot of bullshit in the past. And I have this really weird habbit of making a spontaneous life changing decision. I became too ambitious. I wanted to do a lot of things all at the same time. I wanted to accomplish them all but end up failing because my body literally couldn't handle the exhaustion. I was all over the place. Despite my effort to stay away from alcohol and smoking, I physically couldn't handle the stress. I couldn't count how many times I got sick in one semester. From simple colds, flu to even anemia. I guess my body is telling me also to stop, take a deep breath and focus.
People tell us to do something you really love and you'd never have to work a day in your life. Well, I'm weird. I work for an entirely opposite field because I'm afraid to end up hating what I love. Cowardice is such a bitch.
Nonetheless, I think I know better this time and I'm glad I have a solid support group I can lean on.

Coco Loco

My bundle of joy, my cutipie, my honeypie--Coco. 

I remember this one time during a typhoon when coco and i were left inside the room because the first floor was already flooded. He was crying to me because he wanted to go downstairs with the rest of the people at home who are busy lifting things around. I felt so helpless! In that moment, i kinda' felt motherly. I wanted to comfort him. But all i could do is hug him and put him on the window side deviate his attention. I was soooo bad at it. mleh!I like it when he squeezes himself in bed beside us which also means he wants to have his belly rubbed. He's so adorable. *Gigil levels*

Thankful for October!

It's October! The semester is almost over. I still have a few more projects to finish though but that's not a problem. Chos! I'm just so thankful for all the blessings I've been given. We've been told as a kid to count our blessings. As grateful as I am, let me share with you a random list of the things I'm thankful for.

• I'm thankful for the wonderful family that i am blessed with. I know we are not perfect but at my age now and looking back to my childhood, I am just glad of what my parents taught me. Now I can honestly say, they were indeed right. I know I am stubborn most of the time, I still am, but without their guidance, I would be a mess. So I'm thankful that my parents are both well especially with their health now that they're getting old. Tatay just reached sixty. Honestly, I'm feeling homesick already. I miss our home so much! 
• I' happy to have met a few people at work who share the same kind of sick joke as I do. There's something weird about getting old. Jokes become oldies too. I'm just happy I get to laugh every single day with these people. 
• I'm thankful that I am healthy and living a clean life. There's nothing much to say about it. It's a matter of discipline. 
• I'm thankful for all the little things i experience everyday like getting the job done, finding the perfect bag, savoring a good meal, getting to work safe before it rains... 
• I'm glad I can share all this happiness with my love--Rommel who supports me in all my craziness. He's been a kind spongebob for me--listening to me rant and complain about my stressful days in school and at work. I'm just glad he listens. 

 

Give me some credit here! I'm competing against a national athlete of Portugal--Joao (in green).

Music Monday: My Femme Fatale Playlist

A friend of mine once told me I must be a radio in my previous life for knowing a lot of songs. Why thank you dear Shiva for making me a human being this time around. Then silly me starts wondering, how the hell did I stop being a radio? Oh heavens forbid, I'm such a crazy person (most of the time).
Music is probably one of the reason how i became friends with most people i know because i have a number of favorites in pretty much every genre. So, i get to relate to them somehow. Most people who knew me well would identify me with super sad, heartbreaking songs. I'm emo like that. But i don't get to listen to them much anymore or at least not with much intent and angst because doing so makes me feel like i'm betraying my peace of mind. Anti-bad-vibes ako ngayon eh. But since it's rainy season, i feel like its apt to feel somber for no apparent reason. Emote-emote lang.
I've collated some songs here which i think had been very significant to my well being at some point in my life. Everytime I put these songs together in a playlist, I would call it "femme fatale" because i just love the irony of it all.

So here's the TOP TEN playlist:

1. Everybody Hurts - The Corrs

2. Reason Why - Rachael Yamagata

3. How Can You Mend a Broken Heart - Al Green

4. Ashes and Wine - A Fine Frenzy

because i don't have the guts to say them out loud

It's called growing up.

At some point in your life, you will eventually realize how things have changed, how people around you have changed, and how much you've changed as a person. And sometimes you just have to accept the fact that that's the way things are from now on. There are things you can never bring back, things you cannot fix and should not fix. You look back and see, things are better this way.

Fenk.

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Oh July, you fly by so fast

1. After having a cough for three weeks, finally I'm free. Ever since I got sick, I've been religiously taking multivitamins and iron supplement to boot. I have changed meds twice before i finally went to the doctor. Tough times, baby, tough times. I just had the courage to go to Medical City because there was this one time, my cough was so unending that everybody was already asking me if I needed water which is unnecessary because I have been hydrating every two minutes or so. I hurriedly went to the bathroom because i realized i was making a scene already. I tried hard to cough out the phlegm but I couldn't get it out and I end up vomiting what I ate. sorry for the yuckiness. But after that day, I just said, what the heck I have medicard anyway. What is it to be scared about? So the next day, I bravely went to the doctor. The doctor said he couldn't hear any obstruction from my lungs. I had chest xray which turned out to be normal. He advised me to take anti-histamine instead of my usual cough meds. Surprisingly, after two days, my cough is gone. I can breathe clearly now. It was just an allergy. I couldn't be any happier now. 

After several weeks of that tormenting cough, honestly I got to a point where it was so frustrating already because I know I have been living a healthier lifestyle unlike before. An officemate advised me weeks ago to ask the doctor about it because  I had the cough even after a week of taking antibiotics. And she told me about her former officemate who just learned about his illness during their APE because he was not minding his cough and lost of weight. Well, thanks for the pep talk my friend. That got me more scared than ever. I swear I was convinced, I have a serious illness and that I would die soon.  So I got scared of going to the doctor because I don't know how I could act and live normally knowing the fact that I'm dying. I told myself, if I were really dying, I would like to live as normal as possible. I'd rather die not knowing the truth. I was scared because I know I would be really really sad and my loved ones would be sad too. So I'd rather have the unknown than having people get pity about my condition. Well, what was i thinking right? Soooooo dramatic. Too much of being a literature major. Blah! 
Lesson: It's better to know the truth. 

2. I'm juggling things as of the moment. I have classes for my MA and another for learning Spanish. It feels nice knowing you're being productive and making use of your youth wisely. Last weekend, Rommel was asking me what do I really want in life because it seems like I am tiring myself too much. Sweet baby, don't worry because I am really having the time of my life. I'm happy learning! He said something like, (in translation) Yeah, if you weren't enjoying it I know you'd be complaining right now. But I'm not hearing any complains and I can see you working really hard for it. *wink* True, I'm a bit whiny sometimes. 
Lesson: Do something you enjoy. Enjoy what you do. 

Pototoy. In the name of good vibes and cuteness overload. Can't help but smile. 

This girl is on fire

One of the best things in life

is to accomplish 

what others say 

you cannot do. 

So go out and do it. 

A Fangirling Kind of Moment with The Walkie Talkies

I haven't seen myself fangirling in such a long time. It's only because of this song  which I can't help but repeat in the office and now I'd like to share it again and again to the world. 

I discovered Rizza Cabrera when someone reblogged her song "Signal Fire" on tumblr. I immediately liked her voice and I've been a fan since then. This got me wondering if this girl has  something on youtube. I started typing her name on youtube. From there, I learned she has a very pretty sister Raleene. I follow their blogs, I share their videos, I like their post every single chance I get. I know right? I'm such a stalker. I wanted to write more but i don't wanna sound creepy. 0__o 

Point is, sobrang kinikilig ako sa boses nilang dalawa. It makes me wish I could sing like them!

Here are the Top 5 Favorite Covers of the Walkie Talkies
1. Almost lover - A Fine Frenzy
2. Cater to you - Destiny's Child
3. The way I am - Ingrid Michaelson
4. Us - Regina Spektor
5. Hatin' On the Club - Rihanna

*Top 5 lang muna. I'll leave it to the rest of the world to discover these two lovely voice. Wala talaga kong masabi. Gusto ko lang share tong kilig na to. 

Those Bump and Bounce

1. I have been sick for weeks because the freakin' flu vaccine triggered a bunch of bacteria hanging out in my system. It was a struggle because it happened just in time when my focus and attention is greatly needed at work. Honestly, I want to pat myself on the back for the good fight. I used to be very stubborn with my medicine but this time, I had to follow the timeline. I even use alarm to make sure i take my meds every four hours. i'm becoming a grown up woman. cheers! 

2. finally, it's back to school program kids! i am so excited to be coming back. i hope everything works out just fine this year. I might still have a problem with my schedule for the second semester but for now, I'll enjoy this sem mingling with the undergrads, feeling like an undergrad myself. Haha! can't wait to pay the jeepney saying "estudyante po!". AND IF someone ever begs to disagree, i have an ID to back it up. (etong sayo, bitch!)

3. Everyday is a hectic day at work. I'm finally done being a trainee. I am now a full-fledged process expert. chos! My shift sucks. the pay sucks. but i like it here and most of the people. 

4. Remember when you were younger and you always tell yourself that once you grow up, you wanted to do this and that. And then one day, you wake up and you're already a grown up. But then you realize you don't really want the things you thought you like. Like what they always say, change is inevitable. But i'm happy with this kind of change. 

5. And just for fun! Here we are in a sort-of-a-family-dinner. 

Visita Iglesia

The view. This is the church near Mall of Asia after the procession. 

Yesterday, I officially turned 24. Yay! Nothing spectacular just love and serenity. 

Since this year, my birthday falls on a Holy Friday, we decided to do Visita Iglesia by biking. Last year, I was at home with my family. Rommel and I went to underground subterranean park. This is the second time we are observing this tradition. 

Literally, Visita Iglesia means church visit. It is a custom of the Roman Catholics to visit seven churches because seven as they say is a significant number to the church. I know that Visita Iglesia is traditionally observed on a Maundy Thursday but since I have work, we chose to do it on a Friday night instead. 

Parked Bikes. We just stayed outside the church. 

I hope we could make this our yearly tradition. Traditions are nice. Somehow it creates a special bond with your partner and it makes the custom itself more meaningful. 

Paco Park. Feeling so brave being able to cross a crowded street. 

Just three weeks ago, I would really panic whenever I hear a car coming. Now, I can can really feel that I am in control of my bike. I can maneuver sporadically. I feel like I'm such a bad-ass. *queue electric guitar* 

Adamson Church. This is sentimental to me because i used to go to this church to hear the mass when I was in college. So, after N years, here I am. 

This is actually an achievement for us both because this route has been the longest we've driven since the bikes were bought. I am so happy and fulfilled. Of course, I have Rommel to thank for that. We had to rush back home because he still has to work afterwards. 

Tired smile. love.love.love. 

Hola España!

You know how tight competition is these days and every single peso you're earning is just not enough. Well, in my company, we do have bilingual "process experts" and soon I'll be handling Spain and Portugal shipments. So, I figured this could pave way for more opportunities for me in the future. And you know what they say about education being an investment. Apparently, it really is literally. 

What if Chuck Norris was my teacher?!

Good thing, I have friends who are really a blessing of some sort (hello Labeee). I was advised of a cheaper way to learn Spanish. In Instituto Cervantes, it costs P3600 per level. So, before I reach level 5, i would have spent P18000 which of course I cannot afford at this time. I also have to think about my tuition fee for my Masters this coming June. With that being said, I thank good heavens for having "Beginners Classes" in Tesda. And did i mention, it's for free! 

One of the few perks is that our teacher is Filipino. So, if we have questions or we really have a hard time grasping the lesson, we can ask away for as long as we want until we understand the lesson. And Señor Pedro is very kind and patient to all of us. 

We have 100 hours to complete the course. That is, 8am-12nn weekdays from March4-April 9. I was lucky enough to be included because when i went to Tesda several weeks ago, they were already starting. I had to beg the administrator to include me in the morning class because otherwise it would be conflicting with my work schedule. In short, I got in because one student suddenly backed out. Yay for me! 

It has been three weeks now of five-hour-sleep. And it's really tiring! I believe I'm doing pretty well. I can ace our seatwork if it's translating spanish to english but if it's the other way around, i still keep forgetting about the masculinity/femininity of their words. LOL! 

Anyway, this month has been really challenging for me. After this course, I promise myself to get a vacation. Beach, please!?

Overdrive

Yay to our new hobby/extra-curricular activity/bonding/love. 

Along Macapagal Ave. 

Saturday

Rommel just came from a graveyard shift and I also didn't have enough sleep for waking up too early because i wanted to show off the new skill i learned which is curling my hair (it didn't last long enough though). We went straight to their home because we wanted to save up our energy for the most awaited bicycle we wanted. 

2 pm: at robinsons place manila 

We couldn't sleep (as in kating-kati na mga paa namin). Stan (from Bicycle World) texted us that our bikes would be ready at around 4pm so we strolled around first and took some picture with the cosplayers. We were both hyper and super excited that having coffee wasn't enough so we eventually decided to watch Jack the Giant Slayer to pass time. 

After the film, we went straight ahead to Pasay. As soon as we procured the bike, I realized how scary it would be to ride the bike home considering the number and types of vehicle (i.e. jeepneys, cars, bus) that pass through Gil Puyat Ave. I haven't ridden a bike in a loooooong time and i'm not even an expert to begin with. I am the biggest coward of the cowards. Everytime I would hear a vehicle coming, I automatically panic. I almost crashed on a brand new car. It was really scary! The owner kept on checking for scratches around it. Arrrrgghhh! I was so afraid. 

(Top right-Bottom Left) 1.Rommel with a Cosplay Artists 2.i don't know her 3.Me at Coffee Bean 4.The giant catching another giant. 

Up close and personal with our bikes. 

Sunday

3 am: at CCP Complex 

Again, we couldn't get it our of heads. I kept on dreaming about bicycles. Haha! I remember blurting out to Rommel with my eyes half open...

me: puro mga bike panaginip ko. 

estong: ako din e. tara bike na tayo.

So after eating in a nearby Tapsilogan, we drove off to CCP at 3 in the morning. And since there were very few vehicles, i became a little braver. 

They see me rollin', i hate 'em... 

Upon arriving, we laid on the grass just for fun. The camera's flash killed our moment so I edited our picture with me as grumpy cat.

We actually wanted to go to Mall of Asia but there was an ongoing Fun Run and we were not allowed to go through. 

Two heads are better than none. hehe. 

We had a stop over at Petron Station because i had to pee and it has started drizzling. Given the weather, i took a little nap while waiting for the rain to stop. Yes, I was that exhausted and my butt really hurts already. 

Just some parked bike getting gasoline??? hehe... 

Had some quick panini and tea latte at starbucks. 

When the rain finally stopped and I got to restore my energy, we decided to go home. 

Pumo-pose para kunyari professional biker. 

Sya din daw bida. 

***

Thanks for the early birthday gift babe! <3 data-blogger-escaped-i=""> 

Bio-organic Tattoo

6 hours of delight. 

One thing I realized yesterday after the tattoo session--i would rather support rising artists like Ricson. He did a wonderful job with Rommel's tattoo which was half finished by another artist. He was very keen to details and he makes it a point that the colors are glowing. Colors are of course a very critical factor in a tattoo. Most of the designs we follow (like the oriental ones) are basically designed to white skinned people. Their skin are like clean canvass. So for us Filipinos, there really should be an effort to burst the colors otherwise the tattoo is futile. It will only look faded.
I think the first one got lazy because he was already fully paid. So, lesson learned for us. If the tattoo will take more than one session, just pay in half. It's very difficult to trust people these days.

Anyway, bio-organic tattoo essentially is an abstract--a fusion of biological or anatomical features with plant-like elements. It took them six hours to finish 75% of the artwork.

uuhhhh... blood! chos. 

Nail•A•Holics

It was a Friday plus it's December and you know how it is with traffic during this season. You don't know where all the vehicles have come from. They all suddenly decided to get out of their niches.
So there I was in Megamall, after a long day from work, I went to buy a travelling bag from  for my MMA training.I just got my bonus and i wanted to treat myself for something special so i looked for a Nail Salon. i decided by impulse again. I found this nice spa which is called Nail.a.holics. They have a very good service. I didn't plan for it, so when i went there, I was wearing jeans and sneakers. The 2 attendants (one for the hands, the other for the feet) have very light hands. They have this soft couch with a lot of pillows making you feel like a queen. What's good about them is that after the attendant is done with one hand (for example), she would ask you to look at your hand to check if you liked it or not or if there's something you want to change o tiny bit of detail that didn't pass your standard. For it was a real plus because i tend to get busy reading the magazine whenever i'm in a salon. Anyway, they look trustworthy to deal with thy nails. 

photobombed the fat lady on purpose because she keeps on nagging her attendants.

Located at:

SM Megamall
5th Level, Mega B
Tel: 584-6606

http://www.nailaholics.com/

*closing

It’s okay for me that we finally get the chance to talk. But still, I feel unsatisfied. The issue should have been closed already but why do I still feel empty?

The parting shouldn't feel this way if I wasn't caught off guard. I should have known what’s going on in your mind so that I could have the chance to get myself prepared; so that, I shouldn't have trusted you so much in the first place and I shouldn't have believed that I could rely on you and that you understand me, and that you could tell me everything you want and I will not get mad because it’s you who’s telling me.

I asked you before if I am hurting you. You said everything was alright. Why didn't you tell me there was something wrong already? That you are fed up with me so I could change, that I am already hurting you so that I could have said sorry.

 It’s really okay with me, if you don’t want me as your friend anymore. I could understand that if that’s what you want. But it hurts.

I just realized you know there’s something wrong already and I was so insensitive to think that everything was perfectly okay. That letter I gave you... although I was absolutely unaware how capable it could make or break our friendship is supposedly the first step to fixing the gap between the two of us. But you rejected it. still I thought, I might have said something wrong there. I pm’ed you at multiply and there was no reply. And that started everything. Perhaps not, but technically that letter started our not-talking-to-each-other mode.

I am ranting here because I can’t digest everything that’s happening…

I was supposed to understand it already from your actions. i thought I was looking for our closure. But after we talked yesterday, I still cannot accept it.

I don’t know how to act towards people now. I am so insensitive. I am selfish.

You don’t want to fix things up. Perhaps, that’s what you really want. Because in the first place, you have SVO and the seniors com people with you… but what about me? Lian is not around anymore. We’re supposed to have each other but since you don’t want it anymore because you already found the people who can appreciate you for what you are and not bully you in class like what I do. I must admit, I am really guilty for making you feel that way, but like what I have said, I asked you before if I was hurting you and you said, its okay. So, I got used to making fun of you and you didn’t tell me right away that. But for me, it was all a sort of “paglalambing”… you could’ve told me you were getting hurt. What I’m only asking you is to tell me what’s wrong so I could adjust. I could change myself if you want me to.

How will I know now, if I am hurting other people? Perhaps, I was not really insensitive. But I was just oblivious to it because you told me it was alright.

I just think its unfair how you could just leave someone behind when you want to, the way you want to without any warning and you could be just happy because you have a lot of people to love you… why do you get the luxury of choosing the people you want to be with and they love you right away and you don’t have a problem anymore. 

*found this on my files while i was re-organizing my folders